Tip Sheet: Creating Your Own Rituals

Participating in rituals is a great way to bring family members together and give everyone a sense of connection. How can you develop rituals that your family can enjoy? Use this tip sheet as a springboard to developing your own rituals.

• Build rituals around routines
  You don’t need a lot of time to create rituals. Just build them into the routines that you and your children do every day. For instance, make a point of having dinner together at least a few times a week. Kids can take turns making up the menu for one meal. At dinner, take turns talking about your day. Each night before bedtime, have children name one thing they are grateful for (this is also a great way to instill children with a sense of gratitude). Saying a prayer or reading stories together are also simple but effective rituals.
  
  
• Recycle
  Drawing from your own childhood rituals is a great way to honor your parents and connect the generations. If your parents enjoyed going for family drives on Sunday afternoons, adopt this ritual for your own family. If your mother taught you how to make a pie (or even if you learned it on your own!), pass this nearly lost art onto your own kids—and make a cherry pie together on Washington’s birthday each year.
  
  
• Be fluid
  Rituals don’t have to be set in stone to have impact, and some can outgrow their usefulness altogether. Be flexible and know when it’s time to phase out a ritual (like taking your child to the playground every year on his birthday). You can always create new rituals. And often, the old ritual will become a pleasant family memory for your child when he gets older.
  
  
• Mix well
  Every family goes through changes, including a new job or school; a death in the family; a move to a new location; divorce; or a remarriage. Rituals can be crucial during these transitional periods to give children a sense of permanence and predictability. But some rituals might need to change. With a blended family, for instance, children might not enjoy partaking in the same rituals as they used to when mom and dad were still together. Use your own judgment. And of course, your new family should create new rituals that everyone can enjoy.
  
  
• Ritualize unto others
  Rituals built on helping others have a lasting staying power. Not only will volunteering create memories for your child, it will instill him with a sense of compassion and helpfulness. Some families have a ritual of donating or volunteering together every holiday season, or throughout the year.
  
  
• Give kids ownership
  Kids are naturally creative and enjoy feeling helpful. Encourage them to suggest rituals of their own or to add to existing ones and they may be even more eager to participate.
  
  
• Create ritual. Repeat
  It’s not really a ritual if you only do it once! Consistency is the key, so remember to enjoy your family rituals together on a regular basis.